The week has been a bit of a wild one, with ups and downs. A steady rain fell on Sunday which is typical of the change of seasons here. The remnants of summer memories, boat rides, swimming, etc., fade and give way to the coolness of another season.
I smell autumn in the air, apples are ripening on the trees, and a sweater is now becoming necessary. Autumn is surely a fun, beautiful, colorful season, but too brief for me, who loves its colors, smells, and flavors.
Last week was the beginning of my weekly women’s Bible study (we usually take a summer break), and for the first time in several years, I am not doing a Beth Moore study. I will miss it, and there are several of her studies I have not done yet and would like to do. Yet, I am looking forward to this new study on I Samuel- we’ll be having teaching on I Samuel each week and taking it very slow.
I also enjoyed hearing the testimony of our new pastor’s wife. “I’m a broken and needy person…” is how she began. And you know what– we all are– and she admitted it. And she told how God worked in her life and redeemed her. Truthful and real. I love that.
And since we’re talking about real, I can’t quite get this house un-cluttered. I have boxes of books (that I need to sell) but until there is a book sale, the boxes need to be moved downstairs. I have other things to address. I find it hard to get those things done when my mind is constantly on homeschooling and making sure the kids get what they need from me, that I’m available, and that I work with them, etc. And yet, each day, I feel like I fall short. I feel like someone didn’t get my attention, I missed something, I didn’t spend time with this child or that child, and lots of other things didn’t get done. And sometimes, I end up feeling like I’m not helping anyone, like I’ve failed while I’m trying to do the best I can. Even then, I fail, and the truth is I probably will continue to fail, over and over. But I need to remember that there are things I am also doing well and successfully. Thankfully, I serve a God who can redeem and fill all the holes I have and who doesn’t grade my performance, but my heart.
I spoke to another home school mom who also admitted the same thing– she also tends to see what she isn’t doing and gets discouraged, too. I guess many of us do feel that way at times, no matter what kind of work or activities we are engaged in.
In addition, I need to resume some of the things I did last year which helped me; namely, exercise. I took a Zumba class last year, and loved it– and need to do it again. For my health. Just making the time is important, and setting it as a priority, because I can easily talk myself into thinking that I don’t have the time or can possibly take the time away to do something that is good for myself. Women tend to do that, I’ve noticed; as caretakers of everyone else.
Keeping this list is a wonderful exercise for me, especially in days or seasons of discouragement. This Monday blog posting is surely helping keep me accountable.
409. swinging with my 8 year old
410. that God loves me even when others don’t
411. writing on this blog
412. watching a movie on Netflix called “Alabama Moon”, about a boy and his father who live in the woods, and the boy’s life. Interesting, good movie.
413. that God hears every word I speak to Him
414. that God walks with me
415. sunlight warming my face
416. pleasant dreams
417. Ricola cough drops- which seem to work for my kids
418. a Saturday afternoon nap. I never nap, but just couldn’t stay awake! Felt great to sleep.
419. that God sees my heart and knows me better than anyone, knows what is true about me. I can rest in that; gives me peace, even when the world outside, friends and others don’t know or see the real me.
420. I read of others’ struggles with physical pain in their lives, and I am reminded of another gift– that I am pain-free and well. That is a gift I don’t want to take for granted.
421. Thankful for questions. I’m reminded of an old Michael Card song, that has the following lyric “maybe questions tell us more than the answers ever do…” I can’t remember the song, and it was from a cassette tape– that’s how old it is!
422. that people out there are saying yes and taking risks in living our their God-given purposes
423. a large glass of cold water, right when I needed it; that I have clean water pouring out of faucets for drinking, bathing, washing. I know that there are millions in this world without that.
424. for blankets and pillows
425. for the glorious beautiful moon shining the past week; most nights were clear enough to see the moon moving through its phases; especially gorgeous this past week.
426. a wonderful time with my 10 year old– I took him to a coffee shop for some one-on-one time; he had a grilled cheese sandwich and a cookie and we did some schoolwork. But, on the drive home he and his younger brother were fighting, and we all started yelling, and things fell apart. Yet, my prayer and hope is that some positive relationship building still occurred, despite the drive home.
427. that my daughter has a friend to do English class with, and a ride to the drama class. Hooray for these things!
428. for sweatshirts. It’s time already, the cool breezes are here, I can smell fall in the air.
429. for natural and health food stores close by where I can get the things my food allergic child needs: uncommon items, like nut-free, dairy-free, soy-free, egg-free, wheat-free, legume-free ready to eat cookies. It’s nice to have treats on hand for him for when we go places and desserts are offered, and we don’t always have freshly baked desserts of his on hand. I’m also able to find bread (though not as soft) and tortillas that fit this category. One day they’ll figure out how to make wheat-free, egg-free, soy-free, dairy-free, nut-free bread that tastes good and is also soft (not hard). (I don’t know how to do this. The furthest I’ve gotten is a pizza crust for him.)
430. for real honest people
431. for a God who keeps His promises, and I can count on it. :)